That's What Friends are For

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&V=EtGF2m102Wg

"I went out to find a friend, but could not find one there.  I went out to be a friend, and there were friends everywhere."  Unknown

"A man that hath friends must show himself friendly."  Proverbs 18:24

I love my friends!  I count them as some of my most prized possessions and assets.  Without my friends, I would be of all people MOST miserable!  Some are closer to me than others, some are considered best friends, but some are considered vital to my existence simply because they have been there for me in times past when I needed friendship the most.  They opened their arms to me in times of great need, even though I had somewhat shifted my focus for a bit from their value in my life to someone whom I thought meant more.

I have had friends to mistreat and use me just like everyone else has. Friends will fail, they are not perfect, simply because they are human. Did it stop me from loving them or let it affect other friendships I have or stop seeking to make new ones?  No!  I learned the importance of developing and maintaining friendships not too many years ago.  The old saying about finding out who your true friends are during times of great need is true, but keeping friendships in perspective will help overcome the pain when this happens. 

As singles, we often feel the sharp wound of loneliness.  That feeling is very real!  We long to share our lives with someone who can really understand us, what we're about, who likes the things we like, someone around whom we can be ourselves and not worry about making an impression.  They love us as we are.

For the sake of prefacing this note, let me say that for each of us it should be a given that God is our greatest friend and that we can count on him to be the PERFECT friend.  After all, he died for each of us..."No greater love than this that a man lay down his life for his friend."  (Paraphrased) If you do not know Him as your friend, before you become a friend to anyone else, seek out His friendship and it will help you with every aspect of your life.  If you are not His friend, and He does not call YOU friend....I can introduce you to Him so you can get to know this perfect friend of mine.

In addition to God, we all need friends.  Feel like you don't have any?  Want more friends?  Want to learn how to be a better friend?  Read on.....

"NEED FOR FRIENDSHIP

When God created man, He knew that it was not good for him to be alone, so He created for him a helpmate.  While marriage may or may not be in God's plan for a person's life, it is certain that He does not intend for that person to be a hermit.  God ordained a special class of people--friends--to help satisfy deep human needs, especially the craving for someone to care.

In addition to caring, friends also provide a needed support system.  The wise man noted, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.  For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.  And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10,12)

ESTABLISHING FRIENDSHIPS

The following are 12 tips for building friendships

Be real - to ourselves & others.  As Polonius said to Laertes, "This above all--to thine own self be true, and...thou canst not then be false to any man."  No one likes a phoney, so we should forget about putting on airs.

Create opportunities for friendships to develop.  A person cannot sit at home and expect potential friends to make their way to his front door.  Single adults should go where they expect other adults to gather.  Camps, conventions, conferences, rallies and seminars are only a few of the excellent places where new friends may be found.  Being involved with out own local church activities will also help us build friendships.

Make the first move.  There are lonely people in the church who also are fearfully waiting for someone to take the first step.  We could be the ones to take that first step.

Seek out friendship with someone from whom nothing is expected in return. Is there a nursing home resident or shut-in who would enjoy some company?  Perhaps a lonely child or confused teenager would profit from our concern.  If a person is an established Christian, he might befriend a new convert and disciple him for Jesus Christ.
Smile warmly & readily at everyone. If we should see someone without a smile, we could give them one of our ours.
Act pleased to see people.  Perhaps dogs are such a delight because they nearly leap out of their hides with excitement when they see someone they like.
Be helpful.  When we see a need we may step in and offer service.  (BLOGGERS NOTE:  sometimes just being there and listening is the greatest help of all)
Interact with a broad cross-section of people.  Friendships should include ones who are married--not only single adults.
Be considerate of others.  Christians should avoid becoming a nuisance.  Forcing our friendship on others, overstaying our welcome, or turning into clinging vines only hinder relationships.  Friends take time to develop and people even longer to understand.
Strive to be a good conversationalist.  Find out the other person's interests, and let him do the talking.  The best conversationlist is the one with the sharpest ears.  (See James 1:19)
Be tolerant.  God did not make us out of one mold, so we should learn to graciously accept differences in people.  Christians should avoid becoming so rigid in their thinking that they will befriend only people just like themselves.
Include God in the selection of friends.  A Christian should be friendly to all but should develop intimate friendships only with God's people (See Psalm 1:1).

MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

Sometimes tartly observed, "some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble."  This is sad, but too often true.  Once a person has established a friendship, he must work hard to keep it alive.  The following suggestions will help maintain friendships:

Be loyal.  Broken confidences destroy even the strongest friendships.  Solomon noted that "confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint."  (Proverbs 25:19)
Be fun to be around.  It is difficult for those who are boring and complainers to hold on to their friends very long.  Christians should develop the ability to laugh--even at themselves--and enjoy life.
Be spontaneous.  It is very helpful to develop flexibility.  We can learn to adapt to changes rather than being confused by them.
Be available--especially in times of need.  When words fail, a person's very presence speaks volumes.  After all Solomon observed, "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."  (Proverbs 17:17)
Be concerned.  The word for friend in one Indian tribe means "one-who-carries-my-sorrows-on-his-back."  We should learn to be a burden bearer, and thus fulfill the law of Christ (see Galations 6:2)
Be kind.  Sarcasm and insensitivity to the feelings of others damage a person's appeal.  Tenderness on the other hand, is a powerful agent to maintaining friendships.
Be thoughtful.  Remembering birthdays, anniversaries and special days gains many friends.  Thoughtfulness will cause a Christian to keep in touch with out-of-town friends.  (BLOGGER'S NOTE:  Thank God for the invention of Facebook!!!!!)
Be appreciative.  Christians should avoid taking friends for granted.  Common courtesies apply to friends too.  If a friend does something special, we should show our appreciation--promptly and sincerely.
Be generous with praise and encouragement.  People long for the approval of those they love, so Christians should avoid criticism, jealousy, and put-downs.  Friends will feel good if we say something nice.
Be quick to forgive.  Someone wisely recommended "Write injuries in dust and benefits in marble."  We should clear the air as soon as possible; and once the matter is settled, we should not bring it up again.
Be giving.  Christians should give of themselves and of their time willingly.  Rewards will come in due time.  Jesus reminded His listeners "Give and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."  (Luke 6:38)

Jesus cares about our relationships--with Him and with fellowman.  If our relationship with Jesus is vibrant, then our interpersonal relationships will be rewarding.  At the same time, the failure to get along with people signals a problem in a person's relationship with God. (See John 13:35)

(SOURCE:  excerpted from "Strategy for Life for Singles & Young Adults," Word Aflame Elective Series, Word Aflame Publications, 1986)
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As an adult single, vow to view every person you meet as a friend--long before you ever view them as a potential date or mate.  Get to know them as friends without expectation of more to come.  If more does develop or present itself, well and good.  But every friend will not become a date or mate.  But isn't it so much fun to hang around and find out?  Nothing can replace the feeling of camaraderie that can be experienced by being oneself with other friends.  It is liberating and takes a tremendous amount of pressure off of us as single individuals.  If we can develop this attitude about people, we can save ourselves much of the hurt and heartache we feel when our interpretation of what people are for when they enter our lives, we will be much happier.

Take the time to reach out to your friends, at least one on a daily basis.  Give an encouraging word, a hug, have lunch, send an e-card of friendship, post on their Facebook wall something you like about them, etc.  You will truly reap what you sow!

Thank YOU for being my friend!  I appreciate you more than words can ever say.  You have been there for me, and I will be there for you.  Know that you can count on me to be your friend.  In good times, and bad, I'll be on your side forevermore.  Because----that's what friends are for!